I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
