All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
