I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
