dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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