Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
