why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
third nipple confirmed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
