She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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