I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
