apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
