And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
