remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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