Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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