any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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