John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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