sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if you like me you must not know who I am
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
