only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
