im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
