Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
