the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
