I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
