You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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