p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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