How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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