And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
