It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
