What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
