is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
