I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
