The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
