Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
