hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
