Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
