Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
