My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize