the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
