He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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