yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i will never coherently bang her
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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