His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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