I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
