Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
