Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
