I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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