My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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