i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
