Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
