i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my sisters under your porch take her home
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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