i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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