I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
