For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
