everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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