omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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