So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
