I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
