I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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